Did writing used to be something you loved and then that sensation slowly vanished because of academia writing? Writing used to be such an integral part of my life. I loved writing when I moved to the U.S. because we were able to write about anything we wanted and it allowed us to be creative on the page. After leaving elementary school, that love of writing quickly became a dislike. Writing wasn’t a leisure anymore, it was a chore, a hassle, a point of contention. It felt like every year, it was a new teacher telling you how to write and how they defined good writing was different from the teacher from the year before. Once I was in high school, I thought that I was going to hate writing for the rest of my life until sophomore year when the candle was relit. 

During my first two years of high school, I had two of the most cartoon characters like English teachers. Their names were Mr. Howe and Mr. Grady. Mr. Howe I had freshman year and Mr. Grady I had sophomore year. It is a little ironic that I had these two teachers back to back years because they are complete polar opposites. Mr. Howe was a somewhat buff guy, he was bald, on the shorter side, super serious, sometimes a real hard ass, taught a super difficult English class, and wasn’t always the nicest. Then you had Mr. Grady, who was tall, skinny, had a ton of hair on his head and a huge beard, super laid back and chill, a very manageable English class, and was always unbelievably nice. To the folks who have read Neil Gaiman’s book “Neverwhere,” it was basically a Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar vibe because of how different they were. 

[Simon Paap, a dwarf and James Toller, a giant. Line engraving by S. Springsguth, 1817.] Mr. Howe taught English 1 Honors and was known for being a notoriously hard teacher. I remember the first time that I ever read one of these “American classics” that people will attack you if you say you didn’t enjoy reading it. I remember telling my mother that I didn’t really enjoy reading the book “To Kill a Mockingbird” and I basically gave her a heart attack. Anyways, I had never really been in a position where I had to read a book and then develop a whole thesis with quotes and evidence that support the suggested theme. Mr. Howe was always pushing me not to tell the audience but show the audience, and to me, I just couldn’t find a way to distinguish those aspects in my writing. His standards were always through the roof and he would absolutely shred your essay when he returned your essays to you. I got my first essay back and there were notes everywhere in the margins and entire sentences crossed out with all caps written next to it “NO.” Getting commentary like that was maybe the most earth shattering feeling in the world. I would pour so much effort into my writing and spend hours on it trying to make it the best it could be. Then after working so hard to just have it be so unappreciated by a teacher was really what began a bad relationship with writing for me. I didn’t want to write if people weren’t going to appreciate it like they used to in elementary school. 

Sophomore year I ended up having a teacher that two of my older brothers had and he was just so kind: Mr. Grady. His class was just so much more realistic and I had a lot more ease writing the essays for his class. Mr. Grady was always really helpful and constantly offered help and support on writing assignments. He would start his class by asking us all how our days were and if we had anything exciting we wanted to share with the class. It felt like we actually formed a friendly relationship with him and it wasn’t just a student-teacher relationship. He would also either read the books aloud to us or have us each pick a character and we would read out loud as a class. Then we would stop and he would push us to think by asking questions or highlighting symbolism in the book. It naturally just made everyone so much more involved and we would enjoy the book so much more rather than Mr. Howe who just gave you the book and asked you to read. I formed an amazing relationship with him as I would often work on my writing with him during lunch or after school. He would also provide me with help and pointers and writing began to feel really fun again. Writing about these books was fun because of how Mr. Grady made it so we really enjoyed the books and I felt like I could write better about this book I genuinely enjoyed. The positive relationship between me and writing that I had been craving for so long was finally back.

Overall, Mr. Howe changed the way I wrote forever because it sort of forced me to really focus on every word when writing a serious piece of writing. In reality, I am infinitely grateful for being pushed out of my comfort zone with writing and it will forever be a huge part of my relationship with writing. The lesson I learned is that every teacher and professor will have expectations with their students on how they want an essay written, and students are never going to like that notion with writing. I credit Mr. Grady to sparking that flame again in me for a love of writing after such a hard freshman year. If you ever feel like writing is something that became strenuous and something you don’t like to do, try free-writing. After Mr. Grady’s class, I started to free-write a lot and it was just often about how I was feeling whether it be if I was stressed or annoyed about something. After elementary school and well then with freshman year, I felt like writing was going to be something that I was never going to enjoy doing again because of years of writing that felt forced. With time, I learned that writing is something that is infinitely easier when one chooses a topic of writing that either perks their curiosity or is something you are passionate about. You can’t always choose what you are going to write about, but you can choose your relationship with whatever it is you are writing about. Even if it is something that doesn’t seem interesting or not something you are interested in, try to see the light in the darkness and strive to learn something new or read a new book.